This week has already been totally illuminating, and it’s only Wednesday!
On Monday afternoon, as I was shopping for a fun top to head to NYC with the next day, my purse was stolen right out from under my nose. It had been hidden under a pile of clothes, and I didn’t know it was gone until my body was shaking so hard—an apparent huge drop in blood sugar—that I had to look for the Kind bar in my bag.
It was gone!
That felt bad enough: really violating, plus my wallet, phone, and car keys were in it. How was I going to get home? Or even let my sweetie know that I needed a ride?
To get some air while waiting on the police (and, I’ll admit, to make extra-sure that I wasn’t making it up: maybe I had left it in the car after all) I went outside to my car.
It was gone, too!
My means of connecting with and moving about the world were all gone, and I felt pretty hollow inside. (No worries or pity parties, please: there’s always a silver lining, even if we are too close to the drama to see it right away. Keep reading!)
Then I realized that I had had some intuitive hits earlier in the day. Just one small example, for space considerations: I had been about to put my favorite pen in my bag before leaving the house, but I got a strong “no,” so I left it.
Hmmm. Perhaps this was fodder for my Intuitive Entrepreneur Program, still in its first classes (plenty of time to join if this resonates).
Then the next morning (yesterday), I was getting ready for my trip, armed with borrowed cash, my passport, and a pre-paid phone so that I wouldn’t be totally cut off. All was well until I woke my adorable daughter up to get her ready for school.
All of a sudden, there was a pang of regret at not having snuggled with her all night. I chalked it up to my upcoming 4 nights away and went on with dressing her.
As I did her hair, I burst into tears! (Out of nowhere—I was completely shocked.) I had that unshakable feeling that it might be the last time I would do that, so squeezed her tight and had a hard time letting go.
Over the next 20 minutes, my sense of dread and foreboding grew. I went from spontaneously bursting into tears every few minutes, to constant sobbing and having to be bodily separated from her by my husband who needed to take her to school. Then I hopped back into the car, to hug her a few more times and to let her know how much I loved her, how proud I was of her, and that she was the Light of my life. I only stopped when she got scared, started crying, and asked if she couldn’t just go to school, please. I just knew, in my bones that I probably wasn’t going to see her ever again! It was heart-wrenching.
Now, I’m the kind of person who, for the past 7 years at least, has never really felt much fear. Leaving a tenured position for some unknown future career, maybe as some kind of healer, didn’t faze me one bit. Before that, my beautiful daughter born 3 months too early and weighing in at 1 pound 10 ounces, didn’t bother me, either. Both times, I knew, in my bones, that everything was going to be okay.
This time it was just the opposite.
To make this long story shorter: I first decided NOT to go to NYC, so that I could watch over Anne-Charlotte. Then I was convinced to go, because the change of scenery would do me good, and because my Masterminds are always very transformational. I tended to agree, but every time I thought about getting on the plane, I would burst into uncontrollable tears again, from out of nowhere!
At the airport, I bawled all the way through check-in and security. As I walked down the terminal, I couldn’t make my body go all the way to my gate! It was as if an energetic force was stopping me.
Now, I deal with intense energies every day, but this was blowing my mind.
My intuition was screaming at me to not get on that plane, and my logical mind was resisting: I was being ridiculous. And yet.
And yet, I couldn’t get myself to walk down that hallway. I was in a mortal panic, such that I have never, ever felt in my entire life. It wasn’t like fear so much as all the alarms going off at once: deafening and confusing.
I finally got a call from my coach after desperately reaching out to whomever I could think of who might help me discern what to do in this situation. She didn’t want me to step into a dangerous situation, and she also knew it was in my best interests to be at the Mastermind. The question that pierced the noise and the desperate sobbing: would it be okay to take a different flight?
Actually, yes it would! I was still feeling desperate until I had a new boarding pass in my hand. Immediately, the noise stopped, the tears stopped, and I started to laugh. It was like a light switch.
Here’s the silver lining to getting all my money and my car stolen: it taught me to listen. Had I not been bonked on the head the day before with my intuitive hits, I might not have heard the rising crescendo of warning bells going off as I was heading onto a plane that was not going to take me anywhere good. I can only judge by the “loudness” and the content of those messages that my life was in danger.
It sure was fodder for my Intuitive Entrepreneur Program—and so powerful that the sound kept going out, except on the connector words, “like,” “and,” “but.”
Fodder, but also an interesting object lesson: even someone who considers herself highly intuitive can fall into the logic trap. Bull-headedly, I tried to put myself on that plane for hours, and paid a heavy price. A price, that is, until I decided to trust my body’s signals and surrender to the message that just kept getting louder and scarier.
I made it to the city just fine, and spoke to my daughter on the phone after school. No waterworks! All’s well. My car may be gone, but my faith in myself is restored.
UPDATE: One week later. On my return home from NYC, I had my purse back, with everything but the wallet! Especially pleased to have the phone, with all its precious contact info that I’ll be sure to back up. And today, finally, I got my CAR back! It even had my driver’s license, along with a bunch of receipts and biz cards that they dumped in search of credit cards in my wallet. Sa-weet! Expressing gratitude to the Universe for the entire episode!